Black Friday Breakdown 2011

I have survived yet another Black Friday!!

Probably because I stayed far away from all shopping centers... but still. In today's day and age, I'm probably at risk of consumer violence just sitting right at home. Who knows when I'll be approached at gun point for the item I had enough sense to buy 5 weeks ago...

In light of the recent Occupy Wallstreet protests that have been going on, the very socially accepted ritual of Black Friday shopping has been deconstructed in comparison to very culturally taboo civil rights demonstrations. For example...

When was the last time you saw Best Buy costumers pepper sprayed for blocking the sidewalk, as we saw with the students of UC Davis? Where's the meme of that?

Even though there were no incidents of violence outside the stores, there was plenty of pepper spraying and police brutality once the clock struck midnight and those glorious pearly automatic doors were opened.

First up in the breakdown is the grandfather in Arizona who was beaten by police for allegedly stealing a video game. In reality, he shoved the game in his waistband quickly so he could help up his grandson who had fallen in the shopping chaos. But security guards can't calmly pull the man aside and question him like normal, decent human beings, can they? Of course not. This is how they prefer to handle things...

The man was left beaten and bloodied, while his grandson is probably traumatized for life. All over what? A video game for probably 10 bucks cheaper than usual?

Next up is an example of our obsession and desperation to get our hands on material goods. A woman in California pepper sprayed a crowd of shoppers to try to gain the upper hand in getting the video game system she wanted. Over 20 people were injured from the spray.

The worst part mentioned was that shoppers who were not affected by the spray continued shopping. I'm pretty sure if I saw people keeling over from eye pain, I would quickly leave the store. But I guess most people were blinded by those shiny video game boxes, and didn't see what happened.

Another example of our desperation for material goods is embodied in the man who was shot in a Walmart parking lot in California when he and his family were robbed at gunpoint for the items they just purchased. Now of course, the robber is very much at fault for this incident, but I am also wagging my finger at the victims. Why was the man shot? Because he and his family refused to give up their items. They actually put the value of their material possessions over their safety and well being.

I'm not including a video for this one, because when you search "black friday shooting" or especially "Walmart shooting," the results are too endless to sort through.

These are just a few of the many examples of Black Friday violence. I'm sure most people remember the story of the New York Walmart employee in 2008 who was trampled to death as the store opened their doors. And that was at the height of our recession! The time when most people were at their poorest, and yet still acting completely inhuman when it came to spending their money.

Here are some stills from this year's chaos:

Macy's in New York, NY

Kohl's in Salina, KS

Sears, in.. oh my... Mentor, OH
I've been to that mall

Toys R Us in New York

Best Buy in Burbank, CA

Walmart in.. really? Mentor, OH again...

Photos via ABC news. Credit given there.

From the look of these pictures and all the violence listed above, it's a wonder why we haven't changed the name of the day after Thanksgiving to "Black and Blue Friday." What happened to using the Thanksgiving holiday to relax with family? Why don't more of us participate in Buy Nothing Day, and spend some quality time with the people we love, instead of the things we love. With all the chaos, and all the violence, and all the hate and inhuman behavior, it all certainly leads us to wonder... is the battle for bargains really worth the cost?

Age and "hood" status

No, I'm not referring to being all good in dah hood, dawg.

Racist slurs aside, what I'm really talking about is the difference between childhood, adulthood, and what I like to oh so cleverly call "in-between-hood."

Let's break this down a bit. Generally speaking, birth through age 17 is called childhood, and age 18 till death is broadly considered adulthood. That is the legal definition, anyway. But when you turn 18, do you suddenly feel like an adult in that split second your birthday passes?

"Adulthood" as a label can depend on a number of things. For some, it's a biological step that happens around puberty. How many girls remember their mother telling them when they first got their periods, "you're a woman now." For others, it's a socioeconomic status. I won't feel more like an adult until I move out and start earning my own living.

But as much as teenagers prance around waving their new adult flags, adulthood really boils down to experience. It could take 10-20 years following the legal definition of an adult until you actually feel like one.

But in the few years following your big initiation into adulthood, what do you start to refer to yourself as? This has been bothering me lately, because at the age of 22, I no longer think of myself as a girl. When referring to myself, I have not said the phrase "I'm a girl that likes blah blah" in a very long time. But at the same time, it's hard to think of myself as an adult yet, and I certainly have never said "I'm a woman that blah blah."

So basically... I can't refer to myself as much, because women really just have these two roles to play.

Men are different. We live in this era of "guyhood," where males between childhood and adulthood have this middle role they can take on. I would not call my 20-something male friends boys, but I can not also picture them as men yet. So it's nice that they have an in-between-hood. Somewhere in the middle of their teens all the way through their late 20's, they're just guys.

But what's a woman's in-between-hood? Lady? That's a little outdated. Young woman? No, that still sounds a bit like a teenager. Young adult? That takes the female aspect out of it, plus it's a bit awkward in conversation. Gal? What are we, in Texas?

Men have always had names for us as in-between-ers... chicks, babes, skirts. And we also have many names that we give to each other. But we have yet to take an on a real, society-wide, in-between label for ourselves.

I guess we can just call ourselves what we really are... beautiful, intelligent, independent, successful females. Well, that might be a tad long in conversation...

Mighty Morphin Power... Sandwich Maker?

Anyone else see the obvious gender stereotype here? Anyone, anyone?

Well in case you lived under a rock during the 90's and know nothing about the MMPR, there is a clear difference between one of these characters and the other five... the pink ranger is a female.

Couldn't you tell by the very feminine pose that no other character in this shot is using? Her legs are together femininely, and even her hands are poised a bit differently, higher up on her waist rather than her hips, and fingers flared outward.

Now, in the story of the show itself, there wasn't too much of a gender bias. The female rangers weren't ever necessarily the leaders of the group, but they got just as much screen time and fighting action as, say, the blue ranger.

No, just the fact that the one girl of the group was given the color pink was enough of an obnoxious stereotype for one television show to dish out. And not shown in the picture above (and again, in case you never saw the show), in other seasons of Power Rangers, another woman was included in the group, given the color yellow. Another feminine color. And while we're on the subject of stereotypes, for a long time, the yellow ranger character was Asian. Asian, yellow... really? And mind you, this couldn't even have been misconstrued as the color gold, because a gold member came along later... a male, of course.

So we have a blonde, white-skinned pink ranger, and a quite racially insensitive Asian yellow ranger. And when the yellow ranger wasn't played by an Asian woman, she was played by a black woman. Why couldn't we give the black actress the pink color?

This is how blatantly easy it was to be sexist, let alone racist. And worst of all, I totally bought into it. I remember as a child fighting with my best friend about who got to play the pink ranger. No girl wanted to be yellow, let alone a male oriented color such as red or green.

So have the Power Rangers gotten their act together in the past 20 years? Well let's see...


Power Rangers Jungle Fury (2008)

Okay, the yellow is still a woman, but they replaced the pink with a purple ranger. But it's not really purple, it's "violet" and its animal is the wolf, so it's okay for a guy...


Power Rangers RPM (2009)

The pink is gone entirely now, I guess because who has ever heard of a pink racing car? But the woman is still yellow, of course.


And the most recent,
Power Rangers Samurai (2011)

Okay well, the pink ranger is back, but both pink and yellow are still women, and now they're shoved to the back of the picture...

But hey, at least the blonde white chick is stuck playing the yellow ranger now, and the indistinguishable minority woman is allowed to be pink. If that's not a huge step forward in women's rights everywhere, I don't know what is.

And the abortion war wages once again...

On November 8th, Mississippi voters will be faced with deciding on Initiative 26, which if passed, will create a state-wide law banning abortions, on the basis that "personhood" starts as soon as an egg is fertilized.

Attempting to ban abortions is nothing new. It was a debate well before Roe v Wade, and has continued to be ever since. But this new bill is a step above just simple abortion banning... actually more like 10 steps.

Pro-lifers look at this bill as a blessing, a way to stop irresponsibly throwing away life, or to maybe stop the amount of pre-marital sex that our society has become so comfortable with (yeah right). To religious conservatives, we are saving an unborn child's soul.

This fetus has some terrific grammar skills

But giving a fetus, or even just a small clump of cells, the same rights that you and I have today, will cause a whole host of legislative issues.

Abortions, of course, will be banned, no matter the cause of conception or possible health ramifications to the mother. Doctors will be faced with the even tougher decision of who to save during a problematic pregnancy, the mother or the child, if we declare unborn children "persons." Will doctors be questioned every time they can't save a fetus?

Birth control methods will have to be reconsidered, to make sure they don't violate the new bill. Needless to say, Plan B, aka the "morning after pill" will be the first to go.

Another huge issue Initiative 26 will cause is problems to in-vetro fertilization. Currently, doctors will artificially fertilize a woman's eggs, usually 10-20, and will implant only 2 or 3 at a time to attempt pregnancy. Implanting all 10-20 may result in 10 successful fetuses... which, come on, I don't even need to say the problems that would cause. Look at how society criticized the "Octo-mom."

So if a doctor has 10 fertilized eggs ready to go, and egg number 1 is successful, the other 9 are disposed of. Not any more in Mississippi, if the new bill is passed. Disposing of artificially fertilized eggs sitting in a petri dish will be considered "murder" of "persons."

You murderers

So women desperately trying to get pregnant will have their success rates drastically dropped, as they must go through the IVF process one egg at a time. Sort of ironic that a bill trying to save the life of unborn children will actually prevent more life from being created.

Pro-lifers call these ramifications "scare tactics" made by Planned Parenthood and other women's rights groups. But not only will controlling a woman's body cause her physical strain, but emotional as well.

In a society where unborn children are separate beings from their mother, and have just as many rights as her, every miscarriage or still birth will start to look suspicious. A woman who drinks one glass of wine while pregnant, then 4 months later has a miscarriage, could and very well may be questioned for her part in her unborn person's death.

A woman who is in a custody battle for her children from a divorced husband may have a prior miscarriage come up as evidence of neglect and proof of unfit motherhood.

Women who are already in a very low state from a tragedy such as those, will only be made to feel worse when an investigation ensues about her "fault" in the event.

What this abortion battle boils down to is politics versus morality. If this bill gets passed, and abortions and birth control and IVF in Mississippi are all suddenly illegal or altered, will that stop women from still having them? Of course not. There will still be illegal abortions, illegal disposal of fertilized eggs, illegal use of birth control.

Weed and crack isn't this colorful

And this new law could very well be enforced as much as jaywalking. Illegal pregnancy terminations could very well go unpunished. But if someone really wants to, they can use Initiative 26 to attack a woman they particularly want to look bad. And the media won't report on the everyday illegal use of abortions or birth control - the average 2 week pregnant middle class woman who refuses to carry it. We'll start hearing stories on the evening news about the 8 and a half month pregnant African American who would rather do drugs than have her child.

Ridiculous as it sounds, you know it's true. It's the kind of media gate-keeping we see all the time. Why is it we only hear about pit-bull attacks, when chihuahuas are more likely than most any breed to be aggressive and bite people?

Now THAT'S a dog to be terrified of

So here is the society we have become. A place where a woman is basically a slave to her body, not to mention her slaughterhouse of a uterus, and where our rights are decided by politicians (men) who will never even fully understand what it is we go through. Wait, what's the year again? 1826?

No matter what your position is on the government legislation of it all, I guess this issue does boil down to one basic question, one that only you can decide for yourself: can a clump of cells really be considered a person?

One guess on what my answer is...

New day, new direction

Well it has certainly been a while since I last posted. But as I have been considering how to make my comeback, I was trying to come up with a new approach to blogging. A new, more meaningful direction.

And while browsing through some of my favorite blogs (listed in my new blog roll to the side), it hit me.

As much as I love to discuss (and rant) about certain issues in our society, especially those involving race, class, and gender, I figured I should write my own blog dedicated to these topics. Half of my previous posts involved these topics anyway, but now I can officially put a label on this place! It's a soci blog!

-takes a moment to celebrate-

Okay then. Now that the party is over, let's get down to business. Expect my first official soci post hopefully within the next day. Just have to wait for inspiration to hit me.

Till then, in honor of Halloween last monday, here are just a few examples of what our society has come to in terms of our children:

And the best (worst?) of all....

People of the future will be looking back on old records of our history, and think we may have taken population control to a bit of extremes...

What women (don't) want...

Current mood: Relieved
Current song: Glee Cast - She's Not There

Women are complicated creatures; everyone can agree on that. Especially when it comes to dating and what we want and look for in a man. One second we're saying a manly man who's cold and treats us kind of badly (the classic jerk/badboy) is the ideal type... the next second we prefer the sensitive, romantic sap who'll eat ice cream and cry over a romcom with us. It's getting just as hard for guys as it is for girls to live up to expectations nowadays.

I personally have my own list of preferences and an "ideal" type in mind, but I am not picky whatsoever. In fact, of all the men I've dated, I don't think a single one was in my own standards. Not to say they were below a suitable level (well, maybe a few were), but they didn't follow the particular type I look for. I don't know... they say you shouldn't be picky, but then they also say you shouldn't settle. See what I mean about the flip-floppiness of it all?

One thing that is usually universal, however, is what women avoid when seeking out their ideal man. No matter if you're into the manly men, or if sensies are more your cup of tea, there is a list of qualities that in any situation are always a dating Heisman. I have talked extensively over the years with my friends, their mothers and my own, and with my grandmother and other people her age. This is based on solid, scientific research, from three generations of women... so pay attention, guys. Here are the top ten traits women will 9 out of 10 times avoid in any man:

The Cheap Guy
   Yes, this is first, because if you ask any woman what traits in a man she dislikes, cheapness is ALWAYS on that list. Now don't get me wrong, I'm no backwards old school type who thinks a man must pay for everything all the time. I will gladly go dutch on occasion, or even pick up the entire tab. But the Cheap Guy is not just any old stereotype breaker. He is not only unwilling to ever pay for you, but he will gladly admit so to your face. The guy who openly complains about how expensive it is to take you out anywhere, he not only drains your own bank account, but your self esteem as well. And of course you know he will gladly pay for his monthly Xbox bill before taking you to that play you've been dying to see. Let me just say this: if for your birthday, he offers you sex... it's time to get the hell out of dodge.

The Constant Drunk/Partier
   Even if you consider yourself a party girl, no one likes the guy who is spending every weekend of his life getting trashed. The Constant Drunks take this behavior well past college and partying years. He is the guy who can't get any enjoyment from an activity unless there is a drink in his hand. And of course, drunkenness usually leads to embarrassing or rude behavior, that will surely be talked about the next day amongst your co-workers. The Partier is usually the only one at the party having any fun, ruining everyone else's attempt at having a good time. He is also a user, and will eventually begin to drag your life down with his insatiable need to be drunk. Even if they have a steady, responsible job, this pre-alcoholism in the Constant Drunk is a major red flag for future behaviors. And it also goes hand in hand with the next guy...

The Player (eventual cheater)
   Have you ever heard a woman say "I so want a man who will hit on every girl who passes him?" Yeah, didn't think so. The Player is overly confident and cocky, self-absorbed, and thinks he is god's gift to humanity. He pretty much believes that every woman he hits on wants him just as badly. The problem with this, is that eventually he will come across a woman who does. Alcohol can play a big role in the Player's life. If he's prone to being a flirt, the Partier mixed with the Player can be a nasty combination. Also called "man-whoring," this quality is as equally unacceptable as a female slut. Although there is one difference: men like sluts, but women don't like man-whores.

The Dirty Slob
   This has always been one to bother me personally. Women have all these standards of hygiene that we must follow, but it has always seemed as if it's more "manly" for a guy to be a nasty pig. This is certainly not the case. Watch any Axe commercial. There's nothing that ruins a romantic moment more than a man who stinks. The Dirty Slob not only has bad hygiene, but terrible cleaning habits. You can only be so far out of college for that "frat house/bachelor pad" look to still be acceptable. The Slob also has bad manners, especially when it comes to eating, and to flatulence. We can handle burps and farts once in a while, but when we start washing brown stains out of your underwear, things have gone too far.

The Guy With No Future
   He doesn't have to be a millionaire, or a rocket scientist, but all women want a man who will help take care of them. Ambition is a big part of this. The Guy With No Future, however, has no drive. If he could, he would sit on his tush all day long, getting paid to do nothing. Yes, we all fantasize about this, but we also innately crave for our lives to have some kind of meaning or substance. The Guy With No Future could care less if he had no purpose in his life. He is an extremely lazy person. He will make no effort to not only pay bills, but to clean the house, walk the dog, or take care of the kids. Then again, the Guy With No Future will more than likely not have the opportunity to buy a house OR a dog... so you have nothing to worry about there.

The Mama's Boy
   It is universally known that a man who loves his mother is a very desirable quality. But like most men on this list, the Mama's Boy takes things just one step too far. When in a relationship, you are not dating him; you are dating his mother. Everything you discuss, is then discussed with her. Everything he tells you, is usually dictated by her. When the Mama's Boy is at an age where he should be very moved on from his home setting, he still latches onto her, and even goes as far as not being able to function on his own without constant contact with her. The Mama's Boy is basically a permanent, adult breastfeeder, and all he is doing when dating you is looking for a new mama. If you're dating a Mama's Boy, his mama sure as hell better like you... and the quality of your child bearing hips.

The Coward
   Mama's Boys and Cowards are usually peas from the same immature pod. Cowards are oftentimes treacherous and inconsistent, retaining those boyish qualities that his current relationship with his mom causes. If you want security, ladies, do not date the Coward. He will offer you no protection, will leave you behind in the event of a life threatening emergency, hide behind you if there are bullets involved, and will more than likely hand you over to the rapist to buy him time to get away. The Coward is no knight in shinning armor. No, he wears his yellow skin proudly.


The Know-It-All
   The guy who constantly thinks he is right, and knows everything about everything. He is the center of attention, and he knows it. This usually goes hand in hand with the constant arguer, who will debate and one-up you on everything that comes out of your mouth. He is usually also very self-righteous and judgmental of others. Quite a deceiving quality, this guy will initially impress you with his vast range of random knowledge... but with a generally pompous and bombastic attitude, the Know-It-All will eventually show his true colors, as soon as you try to reciprocate any intelligence of your own.

The Selfish Guy
   All men think a lot about themselves, but the Selfish Guy also completely does not think about you. He is very inconsiderate, and completely oblivious and uncaring of your feelings. He will whine about his day without asking about yours. Like the Cheap Guy, he will spend his money all on himself.. but unlike the Cheap ones, he will not even think that perhaps he should spend any of it on you. Not only does he think the world revolves around him, but will step on you to make sure it completes its revolutions. This is one of the worst qualities to possess, and should be avoided at all costs.

The Emotionally Unstable Guy
   This one covers everything that has not been covered already. It's bad enough having men who won't show their emotions, but there are many men out there who show way too MUCH emotion. The angry guy, the crybaby, mr. negativity, the indecisive, the guy with no humor, the guy with too much humor... a man who does not know how to handle his emotions is doomed to derail in a horrific bloody mess when he careens head-on with the ever-present emotionally unstable woman. The Emotionally Unstable guy is more common than people think, and remains to be a continuous problem, thanks to men's refusal to admit that they feel. But of all the negative qualities, this is the one that is most "fixable," so there is hope out there yet! Now, if we could only get them to ask for directions...


Whelp, those are the top 10 bad boy behaviors, though there are in fact many more. However, this list is in no way intended to bash men or their pretty typical behaviors, so if you see yourself reflected in these traits, don't feel too bad. This is just as much a product of your surroundings as it is on your own shoulders. But most women will agree, these are the things we go well out of our way to avoid, and will not be happy campers if any of these behaviors stay present for too long. So while I'm not telling you to change who you are, I am letting you know what sets us off, so you can try to keep those things a bit more in check. Good guy behavior = happy women = plenty of sex... so I'd call that a win-win, wouldn't you?

The trees that grow slower bear the greatest fruit

Current mood: Carefree
Current song: ELO - Mr. Blue Sky

In case you were wondering, yes this is the same blog. I'm the kind of person who likes change, and can't stand for things to be the same for too long. That's why I rearrange my room every year, why I change wallets every time I go to Target, and why my desktop background rotates between my hawaii pictures every 60 seconds.

So it seemed only a matter of time before I changed around the colors and design of my blog. I will probably start doing so every few months, so prepare for a new look pretty frequently. If my last theme was "across the day sky," consider this one "across the night sky."

Now, onto today's topic; life. Yes I know that's pretty broad. More specifically, I've been thinking lately about the speed of life's development, and how that varies greatly between everyone. Here's the average life course, as dictated by american society, in a gist: graduate from high school, move out of your parents' home and go to college, get a good job and find your soulmate, buy a house, get married and have a bunch of kids, work towards retirement, retire in a new home visited by grandkids every holiday. This is basically the order of things, and there is a certain timeframe in which each step is expected to be accomplished.

Of course, being a freethinking sociologist/borderline feminist, who hates the word normal and tries to break as many societal norms as possible... I find this to be a load of crap. Not the list itself, but the expectation that you *must* complete everything in the list, in order, in a certain amount of time, to be deemed socially acceptable.

The great thing about people however, is that even though society has this particular list for us to follow, everyone goes out and creates their own list anyway. Some people start their dream careers straight out of school, others go back and pursue their passion much later in life. Some women have children at 18, some women have them at 40. Sometimes marriage happens immediately, other times it never happens, and others it happens 4 or 5 times. None of these paths are right or wrong. Even when someone feels their life hasn't gone quite the way they planned, they shouldn't let that get them down. Every choice we make leads to something, and whether it's good or bad, it makes us who we are and we learn from it. And there is always time to go back and change the list around. The point is, you can't make concrete life plans. Even if you've made your own life list, don't let society dictate what that is. And be prepared to be flexible, because things can change at the drop of a hat.

Now, that list I mentioned above, the one that society deems acceptable, is actually the list I want for my own life as well. However, I don't plan on doing it within the "normal" timeframe, and I've already gone out of order with moving out of my mom's house. I've been living at home all through college, and as of right now, I plan to stick with my mom while going to law school as well. Being 25 - 26 and still living at home may seem pretty late, but I actually have many friends at college who are still at home. In fact, ironically enough, the *new* norm is for college students to do exactly that, hence why medical insurance for young adults on their parents' plan have been increased until the age of 26.

So my life list has gone in the order of college, job, THEN move out, and I am completely okay with that. But something that had been bugging me up until recently was the whole marriage thing. I have a ton of friends who are getting married soon, or who have been in long term relationships and who are already having kids.. and it really started grabbing at me. I began to feel self conscious, like the fact that I couldn't hold onto a relationship for more than a couple years, or that I certainly wouldn't be having kids anytime soon, meant that I wasn't planning my life correctly.

But then I started looking more closely at the individual cases of these soon to be married couples, and I realized that each situation was completely different. Some of the couples are my age, some are in their very early 20's, and another couple I know didn't get around to it till their early 30's. And on top of my many friends who are getting married, I know even more who have been completely single through their mid-twenties, still not experiencing a relationship or any physical intimacy even during their entire college careers.

The concept of life course norms are pretty ridiculous to begin with. During my grandmother's generation, families began early and they grew big. During my mother's generation, women waited until their late 20's to have kids and had only about 1 or 2. Most of my friends are only children or have just one sibling. Now during my generation, it seems to have reversed again, where couples are having large families early on again.

As for me, I'm between start and finish in terms of relationships. I've been dating for about 5 years and have gone out with a wide variety of guys. I've had both casual dates and long term relationships, I've been physically intimate and overall experienced in almost every facet of dating life. The only thing I haven't done yet is live with a man or get married. So really, I fall right in the middle of the two paths, between no experience and the end result of marriage, and I'm between the two average ages where women are having kids nowadays. Which seems pretty "normal" to me.

Even so, if it takes me till I'm 35 to get married and start having kids, then that's a-ok with me. I'm no longer going to worry about if and when I'm getting married, or if and when I'm having kids, or if and when I will retire in that nice little country home with grandkids all at my feet. I'm enjoying living my life in the moment, taking things one day at a time. My future life list is just that; my future. Right now, life is pretty great just as it is, and seems to me that it can only get better.

I may be a slow growing tree, but I will be bearing some mighty fine fruit one day.

Should Do Saturday: I should make a list of shoulds

Current mood: Contemplative
Current song: Adele - Rolling in the Deep

I've been thinking a lot lately about "shoulda"s. It started with reading a friend's recent blog post *coughJencough* about her experience with yoga. (Jen, if you're reading this.. you're a fountain of inspiration. I swear, you should give speeches. =] ) Yoga began as a "shoulda" for her, as it has been for me for a couple of years now. The difference is, she turned her shoulda into a dida!

I have a lot of "shoulds." Not a day goes by where I don't think to myself, or my mom, or a friend "Man, I really should _______" It's really easy to say a shoulda, but another thing entirely to actually act upon one, especially large goals. That's why new years resolutions are so popular. 

The best way to make your shoulda a dida, is to make a list out of it. If you have a large list, set a time frame in which to get them all done in. I don't know if I'm at a stage in my life to make a "100 goals in 365 days" kind of list just yet, though I really would like to one day. But I have a few main shoulds on mind that I would like to see myself accomplish, possibly this summer. Many of them involve my newly fixed knee, so they will take a while to build up to. But I also have a few that are achievable at any time... all I need to do is set my mind to them. And what's the best way to do that, again? Why yes, a list. You're listening.

So, inspired by my new Things I Love Thursday adventure, I got the idea to make a Should Do Saturday, where each saturday I list a few things that I would like to see myself try, both big and small. Small things I can attempt right away, whereas larger goals I can take time to plan and feel out. The point is, getting them down on virtual paper will give me a constant reminder of all the everyday shouldas I think about, but never stay for very long in my mind. 

For my first SDS, I'll focus on one particular should I've been thinking about lately. I've been considering that I should become a vegetarian. This is something I have never considered before, thanks to my insatiable enjoyment of every kind of meat (that is socially acceptable) there is. But like most of my ideas and schemes and new adventures, they stem from impulse and spontaneity. This idea started from a book. 

After finishing off the second book in the A Song of Ice and Fire series (fiiiinally), I decided to take a break and pick up where I left off in Some We Love, Some We Hate, Some We Eat, by Hal Herzog. If you enjoy anything dealing with culture, sociological issues, or animals... GO GET THIS BOOK. I haven't been able to put it down, it's so so interesting. (It even has a chapter involving gender roles with animals... hellooo, is that me or what?) Anyway, in the book, Herzog discusses various anthrozoologic issues, such as why we love some animals but hate others, why we keep animals as pets and how far back does that go, what causes fads in dog ownership, do children who abuse animals become violent adults, etc. 

The parts that I have been thinking a lot about lately go along with my consideration of vegetarianism. Herzog discusses a lot about the various cultural norms of animal consumption, like why is it okay to eat certain animals in some cultures, while in others it's taboo? In America, we find it repulsive to think of eating rats or snakes or even the family dog, but in other regions of the world, it's the norm. In the most recent chapter I read, he brings up the hypocritical way in how people outrage about the cruelty of cock fighting, but don't think twice about the hellish conditions the chickens we eat live in, not to mention the way in which they are slaughtered (trust me, it's brutal). 

I've felt bad sometimes in the past about the meat I consume, especially when visiting farms and interacting with cows and pigs and sheep up close. I can't stand the sight of an animal being slaughtered, even in the most humane way, nor could I ever do the task myself (I guess a career in farming is out). But as long as I don't picture the animals as I'm eating them, or I choose to naively think that this particular piece of cow I'm eating died peacefully in its sleep of natural causes, I'm able to get through my 15 ounce steak with a clean conscience. Herzog points out that most Americans, not just me, have to try to mask the fact that they are consuming animals, to get though each meal guilt free. That's why the English language has adopted words like beef, pork and poultry. It sounds a lot better than saying "I'd like a slice of cow, some pigs, and a cute little birdy, please."

While this book is fascinating and eye-opening, it is not the only reason I am considering becoming a vegetarian. I could easily just turn a blind eye and keep enjoying my meat, blissfully unaware of the actual process it took to get to my plate. However, the number two reason people become vegetarians (the number one involving bleeding heart animal activists who don't like to eat "anything with a face"), is to live a more healthy lifestyle. It is medical fact that meat is bad for you on a number of levels, unless you are the type of person who can eat small amounts of the healthiest part of chicken and some fish, cooked a certain way, without adding any salts, butters, or seasonings - basically, flavor - to it. But I am certainly not one of those people. My chicken better be fried, my bacon sizzling, my fish dripping with butter, and my steak rare enough that I can still hear the cow moo (talk about insensitivity toward animal rights).

Lately I have been actively trying to eat healthier, both for my figure and for my heart and bones. More fruits and veggies, drinking more milk, less junk food and chocolate consumption. The one thing I have not done, however, is decrease my meat intake... especially red meat. Like the average college student, I have slightly bad cholesterol levels. But I'm sure most of that is due to my extreme love for steak. This is another reason I thought about going veggie. I'm not the kind of person who can just cut back on something... I basically have to go cold turkey. So vegetarianism seems like a good course of action for me. I'll feel better about not participating in the cruel slaughter of animals, and I'll also be taking a good step towards my health, especially since it's statistically proven that vegetarians are also more active and fit and generally healthier than carnivores.

Becoming a vegetarian seems like it could be one of those immediately achievable shouldas, but there are a few factors against me right now. First, it's the beginning of summer. Summer means barbecues. Barbecues mean hot dogs, hamburgers, fried chicken, ribs, steak... all the food I love that I've missed over the long winter. I feel like I want to indulge in at least a little of my favorite summer meats, at least until the 4th of July holiday is through. The second, less shallow, reason I shouldn't cut out meat just yet, is that I'm still recovering from major surgery. My physical therapy begins soon, and I'll need the iron and protein of meat to help strengthen my knee back up. I don't think beans and peanuts will cut it right now. So I figure that the holiday actually serves as a good start date. By July 5th, I'll have recovered well enough, and probably be sick of bbq food by that point anyway.

So there's my first SDS. It's not too large of a goal, it will just take some time to truly get into the mindset of. But I'm excited. And I also can't wait to make my next Should Do Saturday post! I'm thinking of making a list of all the physical activities I'll be able to try now that I have 2 working knees again. I'm sure this is not the first time someone has had this idea (it's basically just a glorified to-do list), but I'm feeling good about it. Feel free to use this to think about and make your own SDS's!

"Feelings are not supposed to be logical. Dangerous is the man who has rationalized his emotions." - David Borenstein

Current mood: Frustrated and sad (this time, my mood is opposite of the weather..)
Current song: Emilie Autumn - Let the Record Show

I was going to talk about my surgery today before I forget all the details, but I found my mind preoccupied too much with something else. I'll get to my surgery post hopefully tomorrow, or another day soon.

I'm not going to even get into the explanation of why my mood is the way it is. Those of you who have spoken to me in the last 24 hours know, and you are pretty much all I care to tell. Everyone else.. don't worry. I'm sure I'll buck up soon enough. You all know me, I'm a pretty positive person.

But I've been thinking a lot lately about emotions. I had a discussion with someone about them the other day, and I was pegged as an "emotional person." Too emotional for this other person's taste. Well, this is certainly not the first time I've been called emotional. And usually when I hear it, I feel pretty bad for a moment. Women in general are stereotyped as being emotional beings, much to the contrast of men and their rational, calculating ways of thinking and feeling. It's natural for a woman to cry, whereas men must be tough. Okay, I'm not getting into a gender battle today... this is about me.

Yes, I am an emotional person. I do let some things get to me that probably shouldn't. I am easily hurt, but I am also easily sprung back. I don't bottle in my feelings, I let them flow freely from me. When something makes me angry, or there is an injustice in the world, I speak up about it. When something makes me sad, I cry on someone's shoulder about it. I tell everyone everything I'm thinking and feeling, even when first meeting them. I don't just wear my heart on my sleeve... I made a fluffy hat out of it and wear it on top of my head all day long. When something is bothering me, I immediately go to the people closest to me and ask if I can rant my problem to them, to either get some advice, or to simply get it off my chest. And it feels great! I mean hello, that's the whole reason therapy was created. Therapists rarely give you sound advice or tell you how to fix your problems.. that's not really their job. They are mostly there as an objective person for you to simply vent to. Because human beings are not logical creatures. It is our nature to be run by our feelings, and our intricately emotional brains is what sets us aparts from most other species.

And yes, I may get upset easily, and feel sad fairly often, and cry at the drop of a hat... but I also frequently experience the joy that emotions can give. The overwhelmingly blissful feelings of doing something you love, or being around people who make you feel like you're on top of the world. I laugh at almost anything, regardless if it's funny or not, just because laughter makes me feel good. That's usually my indicator if I'm feeling awkward in a situation, because laughing also helps to calm my nerves. Being emotional means I can be just as joyously happy as I can be down and sad, whereas those who don't allow themselves to feel, live in a constant bubble of indifference.

I'm glad my friend called me emotional, because it's something I can honestly say I'm proud of. In recent years especially, I have even become a bubbly optimist, because life is too hard right now to be anything else. We live in pretty depressing times, but that doesn't mean your life has to be just as depressing. We aren't doomed to simply be products of the world around us. We can make change, we can take a stand... and that takes emotion.

We are emotional beings, and we are attracted to similar emotions. Even you non-emotional, logic driven people... who makes you feel better to be around; a quiet introvert who bottles up their feelings, closes themselves off to you and makes it impossible to tell what they are really thinking? Or the person in the room who is laughing and talking openly with everyone, sharing their feelings and getting others to do the same? Yeah, I'm sure even non-emotional people feel uncomfortable around that same type of person. Who wouldn't? What kind of friendship, or relationship, or family interaction is one where no one truly opens up or shares who they really are? You can't do that by simply speaking with your mouth, or thinking with your brain... to have a true, meaningful interaction with another human being, you need to use your heart. That's why anytime I hug someone now, I hug to the right, so mine and other person's heart overlap. Call me crazy, but I truly feel a deeper connection with the person when I do that, and it makes me feel great inside. We seem to have lost that sense of connection with others.

Like one of my favorites vignettes of the film Waking Life* says, we've become like ants. Busily moving about our farms, barely touching the other ants with our antenne before going about our own lives, no real connection with each other... well I don't want to be like an ant. I want to connect with others, to feel them with my heart, to be all I am with and around them. "I wanna SEE you. I want YOU to SEE me." To live life as a cold, withdrawn, non-connecting ant... is a pretty unfulfilling life.

So I am proud to be an emotional person. Because as such, I feel free and comfortable with any other type of person, open or introverted. I love being around emotional people, but I also am just as okay with unemotional types. To be unaccepting of someone, or to feel incompatible with them, simply because they are emotional... well, I feel sorry for a person who feels that way. If they were to get in touch with their own emotions more, they would realize what they are truly missing. I was sad today, but I'll feel wonderfully happy again one day soon, because emotions are an incredibly fun and fulfilling roller coaster ride. And who doesn't love going to Cedar Point? =]


* For further insight on this topic, two movies that are incredible for discussion on human interaction and emotion:
~Waking Life, directed by Richard Linklater
~I Am, directed by Tom Shadyac

If it weren't for the last minute, I wouldn't get anything done...

Current mood: Dreary (my moods frequently reflect the weather.. me and mother nature need to have a talk)
Current song: Across the Universe - Let It Be

Diet update:
I've officially lost 6 pounds! That seems small, I know. But the most I have ever weighed, I reached a couple weeks ago, at 115. Coming from someone who used to weight less than 100 just a couple years ago, this mortified me and really pushed me to do this diet. But I'm happy to report, I'm at 109 right now. My goal is to stay below 105, so just 4 more pounds to go! And I've decided that after my surgery and physical therapy are done, I'm going to really become an active gym goer. Not to keep losing weight, but to just stay in shape and keep my heart healthy.

Surgery update:
Two days... *tiny freakout* I'm really nervous now.. but also excited. I think I'm more excited that tuesday is Glee, moreso than tuesday is my surgery. But hey, at least looking forward to Glee keeps my mind from freaking out more. I'm going out to get a celebratory milkshake with my boyfriend tomorrow to further calm my nerves, before completing the oh-so-fun MRSA preparation, and going to bed nice and early. I have to call Lutheran between 3 and 5pm tomorrow to get my final surgery time, though I know it will be sometime in the morning, anywhere between 7am and 10am. I reeeally hope it's not 7am, seeing as I was instructed to come in two and a half hours beforehand. But hey, hopefully if I'm half asleep, getting the iv in will be a piece of cake!

So anyway, onto today's post. Can anyone tell what it's about? Why yes, procrastination. You are a smart one. Today is May 15th, the final day to submit the FAFSA form for next semester, and guess who just completed hers this afternoon? Granted, I knew that I could only get half of it done until Case re-enrolls me this summer, but that's not really why I put it off. I honestly can't give a better reason other than I am addicted to procrastination.

This has been going on for as long as I remember. I have memories of 7th grade math, where the teacher would only collect the week's homework on fridays. But instead of doing it every night to spread out the work, guess who was cramming on thursday nights to get it all done. Then again, I'm pretty sure the whole class was. And from gradeschool through college, that is all you ever hear students talking about. From homework, to papers, to exam studying... everyone seems to put it off until the last minute. Some people are just too busy with work or other classes, others would just rather goof off than do the work at that minute. I honestly feel I work better under pressure. I've written papers a week ahead of time and gotten B's and C's on them, but almost all my last minute papers are A work. Why is that? Because at the last minute I know it's do or die time, and I go into it guns blazing, whereas when I know I have extra time to get it done, I'm not as focused while I'm writing it? I really can't say. I'm a fast paper writer, so putting them off has almost never had a consequence for me (unless it pushes past midnight, which is my homework cutoff time.. I have never pulled an all-nighter and never plan to), but it's still not a good habit to follow. And yet I, and millions of others, do it.

But it's not just school. Take this FAFSA for instance. It literally took me about 10 minutes to fill out, *including* Case's financial aid forms. I procrastinated for 4 months (I'm pretty sure you can first start filing in January), for TEN minutes out of my day. It's ludicrous to think about. Most of that time I just completely forgot about it (who thinks about the next semester when you're just starting a new one), so I've always waited till spring to file it, but rarely to *the* last day. I know many people who do this with everyday life things as well; job projects, household chores, yard work, grocery shopping and errand runs... anything that we file into the "I should get this done" part of our brain, seems to also fall under the "well, it can wait till tomorrow" wiring as well.

I've always wondered about the psychology of procrastination. Of why it seems so human nature nowadays, and how that compares to the habits of people in past generations. There are hundreds of quotes about procrastination, from past and present.. so what is it about us? I think it was on some movie I saw a few years ago that they explained how women (it was a movie all about relationships and gender roles) will put off paying their bills and getting things done till the last minute because they love the drama. Despite the sexist subtext, maybe there is something to that, for all people.

When you complete a "to-do" task weeks before it's due, sure you get the benefit of knowing it's out of the way early, but does the completion of the task bring you as much satisfaction as if you were to wait until the last minute? I've been stewing over getting this FAFSA done for weeks now, saying "okay, I'll do it tomorrow.. oh, well, I have a few more days.. man, I really should get that done soon... uh oh, last day, I may be in trouble.... nope! not in trouble, got it done just in time!" And now I'm feeling great about myself for finally completing that which was sitting in the back of my mind for weeks. Perhaps it's the sense of accomplishment we crave. Washing a whole sink of dishes feels more accomplishing than just one meal at a time. Getting your car cleaned only after it's completely filthy feels better than washing it weekly to just get the small bit of dirt off. Buying a whole cart of groceries is more of a feat than just picking up some milk and eggs. No one is going to praise us for buying groceries, so we praise ourselves by saying "wow, I really needed this stuff, I'm so glad I went out to get it finally."

The same concept can be taken back to my 7th grade math class. Sure, the other 3 days of the week you didn't really accomplish anything, but you worked really hard on that 4th day and got everything done on time.. and that feels great.

Whatever the true reasons, the concept of procrastination is an interesting thing. "Why do today what you can put off until tomorrow." "Hard work pays off after time, but laziness pays off right now." "Tomorrow is often the busiest day of the week." "Someday is not a day of the week." Quotes from every time, every culture, that reflect on just how much people love and are hard wired to procrastinate. So much so that they offer self-help classes and books just to re-wire the brain and try to break the habit. I am certainly in need of some brain re-wiring myself, though I'm sure over time it will get better. And if not, I may join one of those classes... someday.


Well anyhoo, this may be my last post for a while. You probably won't hear from me until I get home on wednesday, and possibly longer than that if I'm having too much fun in vicodinland. Boy will that be a fun post... Well, wish me luck, internet world!

A book is like a garden carried in the pocket - Chinese proverb

Current mood: Sunny (as sunny as the weather)
Current song: August Rush soundtrack - Moondance

Okay, to start us off, I would just like to finish up a thought about my last post. Can I just say, diets really suck. I haven't craved sugar this much since I was a kid, not to mention the constant headache I've had from cutting back on soda. I don't drink coffee and it hasn't been warm enough yet to make suntea, so my caffeine intake has taken a nosedive. But all that is still okay, thanks to the 4 pounds I have lost since my last post. Motivation? I think yes! =]

Now onto today's post: books. And gardens, too. My Chinese proverb is spot on with what I want to get into today. First we'll start with gardens.

Sunday was Mother's Day, as many of you are well aware, and I'm sure you all have your little traditions that your mom likes to do each year, whether it be going to church, or visiting relatives, or going out to eat. Well, it isn't Mother's Day in the Green household if it doesn't involve gardening in one way or another. I had been asking my mom for days what she wanted to do for her day, but she couldn't give me an answer. She didn't care, she said. So come Mother's Day, I gave her her gifts and we sat on the porch enjoying the morning and trying to figure out what to do. I spit off 3 or 4 suggestions, but to no avail. She had no preference, and said she'd enjoy just spending time at home. So I resigned, since it was her day, and if that's what she wanted, that's what she wanted. But a few minutes later, another idea struck me. "We could walk around Gale's and look at flowers..." and that was it. Ten minutes later we were in the car and off to Gale's Garden Center.

I never thought I could walk around the same store for 4 and a half hours and not get bored, but I was proven wrong. I'd been to Gale's many times before, as well as Petiti's, Lowe's, Home Depot, and any other nursery around, but for some reason it was different this time. I've always enjoyed my mom's passion for gardening, but I think I've finally started to adopt one as well. I circled each lot about 10 times (Gale's is huge, if you've never been there), and loved every minute of it. I learned a ton more about horticulture, added on to the knowledge my mom has given me over the years, and now I can name almost every different flowering tree at first glance. Once their petals fall, however, my differentiation skills drop to only about 3 or 4 trees, based on bark and branch. The rest just look like small green trees to me.

But anyway, it was a great afternoon. My mom went overboard as usual buying plants, but they had a bunch of Mother's Day sales, so it wasn't bad. I even got a few more small plants for my room (since my dalia decided to die on me.. that's the last time I buy flowers from Lowe's). Afterward, I took her out to Longhorn for dinner, where they were giving all the mothers a carnation as we walked in. The whole day revolved around flowers. But was that enough for Mama Green? Oooof course not. All day yesterday involved gardening as well. We went back to Gale's to pick up a few more of the lilac bushes on sale, to drive down to my grandma for her Mother's Day gift, as well as stopped at Earth To You to get my mom her mulch. When I was younger, I used to get her Mother's Day mulch in the regular bags you find at the garden centers, but now she has taken gardening to the next level, and just has it hauled in in a small dump truck. Yes, this is extreme gardening, people. But it is already looking great. She worked her butt off all day yesterday, and is continuing today as I sit outside typing this.

All her work these past 20 years we've lived here has certainly developed my extreme love of gardens and nature. The only thing I love more than being out in a garden, is spending time in one with a good book to read.

I'm so glad that this semester I've had time to read for enjoyment again. Usually after I'm done with a semester at Case, I'm so relieved to start having fun, that my whole summer goes to watching tv or playing games or going out with friends. So even in my summers off, reading has gone to the backburner these past few years. But ever since my last surgery, I've brought my reading level back up, and doubled it even further in the last 5 months. When you're stuck at home with your leg casted up for 2 weeks, what better way to pass the time and enjoy the nice weather than reading outside?

When I had my last surgery, I read about 7 books in the time I was stuck at home. All were Laurell K. Hamilton books, which were amazing, but this time around I want to mix them up a little. So I'm going to make a list of what I want/plan to read starting next week. I'm currently reading 4 books at the same time right now, which is challenging, but still awesome. They are all really different, so I'm not getting them confused at all. But since I probably won't be done with all 4 by next week, I'll add them to my list.

Lili's Summer Reading List
Finishing The Song of Ice and Fire series, by George R.R. Martin, including;
~A Clash of Kings (halfway through)
~A Storm of Swords
~A Feast for Crows

Finishing the 3 other books I'm working on;
~Some We Love, Some We Hate, Some We Eat by Hal Herzog
~Bossypants by Tina Fey
~Man Down: Proof Beyond a Reasonable Doubt That Women Are Better Cops, Drivers, Gamblers, Spies, World Leaders, Beer Tasters, Hedge Fund Managers, and Just About Everything Else (yes, that's the exact title) by Dan Abrams

Plus I want to start a few other books, including;
~The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo
~The Girl Who Played with Fire by Stieg Larsson

The Hunger Games trilogy by Suzanne Collins, including;
~The Hunger Games
~Catching Fire
~Mockingjay
(I've already read all 3, but I want to re-fresh my mind for the movie coming out soon)

I want to finally get into the Study Series by Maria V. Snyder, including;
~Poison Study
~Magic Study
~Fire Study

AND finally, I want to re-read/continue the Anita Blake: Vampire Hunter series by Laurell K. Hamilton.
I won't list them all, since I think the series has exceeded past 15 volumes. (I own 1-15) I read the first 7 during my last surgery, but unfortunately stopped there. Now I'm afraid I'll have to re-read the first 7 again before I can continue with the rest...
I just looked. The series now has 20 volumes. I'll have to ask my fellow Anita-obsessed friend Jen if that's where they finally stop, but for now I have plenty of Anita-awesomeness to keep me entertained.

So as you can see, that's more than plenty of books to occupy my time during my 2 week surgery stint, especially since each of the Song of Ice and Fire books are about a thousand pages long. And these are all books I currently own! (All but Some We Love, Some We Hate, Some We Eat... I got that one from the library. Hopefully I can buy it eventually.) Who knows what other book I may see on the shelf the next time I visit Borders. That's why I named this list my *summer* reading list, and it may take me even longer than that, with Anita Blake tacked on. But that's okay. It's about time I got these bad boys read, before my book buying obsession adds even MORE to my overflowing shelves.

So with plenty of good books in hand, I sit amongst my mother's beautiful flowers, ready to take this summer on. A good book is certainly like a garden in your pocket, but I am lucky to have both!

Dieting is not a piece of cake...

Current mood: Hungry
Current song: Imogen Heap - Lifeline

Look at this picture and answer me honestly; which one of those foods would you choose to eat right this second?

If you chose the carrots, I call bullshit. What person, who isn't currently on a diet, would choose plain, dry, raw carrots over a moist, sweet, chocolately cake?  No one, that's who. We're biologically wired to follow our sweet tooth, thanks to evolution. Our primate cousins live on a diet of the ripest fruit they can find, which of course is higher in sugar content.

So why is this bad? Seems like nature to me. It's only thanks to today's neurotic focus on being as healthy as possible that has twisted our thinking. Now, I am all for being healthy. But there are many levels of healthy. Someone can be a bit overweight, and still be healthy. No, in this culture, it's more about appearances than health. A woman can be a smoker, a drinker, out of shape, and low on all the vitamins and nutrients her body needs... but if her metabolism keeps her thin, well that's usually good enough for a man. And vice versa with women looking at men. I always try to keep things gender balanced. Conversely, if a person is healthy, active, in shape, eats well, but is unfortunate enough to have a poor metabolism... nope, not in today's society. Weight is everything.

You don't see male primates choosing their mate based on who eats the least amount of fruit, or which one is thinnest. Well, that's probably because most primates seem to be more or less built the same. When there is not such a wide array of shapes and sizes, males can focus on other *much* more important qualities in a mate, such as climbing and tick picking. If humans were all shaped alike, things would probably be similar. I know I for one would be able to focus much better on a guy's skill to pull junk from my hair if I wasn't so worried about how his body looks. But unfortunately, humans come in all shapes and sizes, and even more unfortunately, in today's society, we have deemed only one size appropriate and acceptable.

So how do we achieve this one socially acceptable size, aka, how do we get to the weight of all those celebrities and models in our media? Well not through the same method they use, that's for sure. The people whose weight we idolize have other methods available to them that only money and fame can really achieve *coughliposuctioncough*. So what's our solution? The doctor's answer: diet and exercise. Well I am all for exercise. Not necessarily sweating off all 2/3rds of your body's water every day at the gym, but just generally staying active. Once a day, do one activity that involves movement. Go for a bike ride, work in the garden, take a walk through the park with a friend. I personally enjoy cleaning the house to upbeat music. It kills two birds with one stone! (Ew I hate that saying, why do I still use it?)

As for dieting, I am not a fan. I have many great loves in this world, and food just happens to be one of them. One of my many "I have always wanted to be a"s include a culinary critic. There are so many wonderful foods on this planet, from hundreds of diverse locations and cultures. And life is too short to stick to a diet of raw vegetables and soy, when instead you could truly enjoy every single meal you have. And I hate sayings like "other animals only eat to survive, and eat only the amount they have to to last each day." Humans are different from other animals in a hundred ways, including our eating habits, so don't give me that crap.

In my opinion, the true advice for people who want to enjoy food but still be healthy, is "everything in moderation." I agree that overindulging can be bad. You'd be hard pressed to find someone who doesn't. But I don't think cold turkey diets are good either. I have tried completely cutting out foods or soda before, and it never works. Just recently I decided again to cut sweets out completely, despite my evolutionary track. For over a week I avoided all kinds of cookies, cakes, ice creams... anything overflowing with processed sugars. Instead, I started eating many more fruits and vegetables. Well, aside from being suddenly much more miserable from counting calories and avoiding everything I loved, I also noticed myself wolfing down every kind of fruit I could get my hands on. I would eat an apple, then some cantaloupe, then a bowl of grapes, then an orange... all in the span of a few tv shows or just one movie. My normally moderate fruit intake suddenly skyrocketed. While trying to *avoid* being like a primate, I instead embraced my inner monkey, enjoying all those natural sugars that fruit offers to compensate for my sudden drop in processed sugar. I tried to be healthier, but I ended up consuming even more sugar than cookies and cake give. So needless to say, I stopped that diet fairly quickly.

So why am I worried about dieting in the first place? Well, if you must know.... I'M SO FAT! *weeps hysterically* No no, just kidding. I'm not one of those annoying skinny people who goes up to someone who weighs more than them and calls themselves fat. Nor am I the type who complains to someone older than them how old they are. No, I'm not fat. But it can't be ignored or denied that I have gained about 10 pounds since last year. This is mostly due to the fact that I've spent a whole semester basically on my tush. My burning/consuming ratio has been greatly skewed from my norm in the last 6 months. My off and on depression over the past 2 years could also be a factor, as well as stress levels. Or as my mother suggests, I may just be at that age where my body packed on a few more pounds to fully prepare to bear children.

Whatever the reason, the weight has begun to show. I have a stomach pudge, as well as thickening thighs, neck, and jowls. If you ask me how much I weigh though, most laugh at me, since the number is still way below the average of an average height person. But I'm not of an average height. As the late Shelley Winters so wonderfully put it, "I'm not overweight. I'm just nine inches too short." I'm pretty sure she meant that as a joke, but in my case, it's completely true. Being so short, any pound I gain usually shows somewhere. And while I'm usually the first person that stands up against the stupidity of weight norms and the expectation to look perfect in our society, I still have my insecurities about my own body. I admit I get wrapped right up in that stereotype, that if I become a few pounds overweight, I will be looked at badly by friends, family, guys, and just society in general.

So while I'm trying to lose weight based mostly on vanity reasons alone, I am going to do what most people who are ashamed of their weight do to motivate themselves, by also saying "I just want to be healthier."

So here I am, eating raw baby carrots as I type this, instead of chowing down on a delicious piece of chocolate cake. But not by choice. In a perfect world where weight and stereotypes didn't exist, I'd choose the chocolate cake any day. Man... now I want some cake....

Boys and girls and adults of all ages...

Current mood: Silly
Current song: Weird Al - I Perform This Way

Like any normal child, when I was growing up I loved watching cartoons and disney movies. And like any abnormal adult, I still love doing so today.

Today I finally saw Planet 51, and I greatly enjoyed it! No, I am not a parent. I was not babysitting kids, nor am I a kid myself. I'm 22 years old, and I watched this movie on my own, by choice. On any given night I will watch a horror flick, a mature drama, a medieval war movie, or an animated kid's film.

Is that odd? Is that weird to you? Most people would answer with "yeah, kinda." But why? In my experience, most cartoons and animated movies have plenty in them to keep adults entertained. There are even things included that children themselves can't understand.

Take classic disney movies. Walt Disney must have been a really gloomy guy, because in most of the classic disney movies, someone dies, or at least almost dies. There are a lot of deep emotions in old school disney movies.. mature interpersonal conflicts, too complicated for a child to understand. When I saw Mufasa die as a kid, I remember not feeling much more than a simple "uh oh, his dad is dead." When I see Mufasa die as an adult, I feel like I want to cry (and more often than not, do.) There is always an explicit moral at the end of these movies for kids to learn from, but underneath that, there is a deeper message and understanding that adults applaud.

Now jump ahead to today's kids' movies. The morals are still happily there, but in place of those deep emotional rollercoasters and romantic fairytales, writers have added in comedy. Some of it is that classic comedy for kids to enjoy, but most of it is subtle comedy that only adults would understand and enjoy. When you watch a cartoon with a kid, you both end up laughing. The child will laugh at one part while you stay silent, then you will laugh at another part while they stay silent. The point is, these "kids' movies" are actually aimed at all demographics. Why? Well of course the main reason is so parents can take their kids to the movies and not die through an hour and a half of boredom. But people in the movie business know their stuff. They know there is a late teen/early adult market to be targeted, as well as the elderly who would rather avoid movies with obscene language and ear-shattering fight scenes.

So with that in mind, why don't more adults without children sit down to enjoy a nice cartoon? Do they feel restricted by social acceptance? I think most feel that to watch a cartoon means they then are considered to be more immature. Maybe there are just too many "childish" scenes to deem worthy of a viewing.

If you think those childish scenes are beneath your level of interest, invite a kid over to watch with you! No matter how dumb you think a scene is, if a child laughs at it, it will automatically put a smile on your face. Go on and try it. I dare you.

Don't know any children? Well you're in luck. You can try the all new Lili's Rent-A-Kid! We have boys and girls of all ages. The perfect way to pick up chicks or get an extra exemption from your taxes!

But product placement aside... Along with the normal kid's cartoons, we seem to also be in an era of adult cartoons. No, pervs, not hentai. But tv shows like South Park, Family Guy, and Archer; with violence, suggestive themes and adult language. Humor no child would understand. So "entertainment psychologists" seem to acknowledge the enjoyment people of all ages get from watching an animated show. And since most movies directed at children contain enough adults jokes to keep us entertained, not to mention a gripping moral that people at any age can appreciate and learn from, why is there still a stigma against an adult watching a kid's movie? For children, college students, parents and grandparents, it's socially acceptable. But if a teenager or an adult without children chooses to sit down by themselves and watch an animated movie, it's "abnormal." Hell, even sitting here writing this, the stigma still effects me. That little voice in my head that says "but Lili, it *is* kiiiinda weird...". That's how ingrained social stigmas can become.

But as usual, I'm going to go against the grain, move ahead of the pack, fight the man, be an individual... and go ahead and keep watching one of my favorite genres of films, no matter how old I become. In this society, youth is everything... and watching these movies keeps me young at heart. Hopefully my skin and health will also get onboard.